She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
