And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
