she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
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Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
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WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.