I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey