Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
she told me i tasted like america
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From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
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You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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