Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
