Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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