Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
