I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
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Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
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I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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