Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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