Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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