Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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