your room smells of hookers.
And success
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize