PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
