I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
