How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I intend to get homeless drunk
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
