is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
