I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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