Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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