I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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