She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
