Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
