If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
