a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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