Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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