saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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