Ambien. No doubt about it.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i drank out of a bidet.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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