yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
