Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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