Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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