mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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