margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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