Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
why do cheetos always look like penises
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
