I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
