like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
