Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
