I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Randomize
