Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize