I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
