just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
