It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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