Already got asked if we're dating
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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