for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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