So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
