Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
