I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
