I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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