Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
