You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
