Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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