why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
