I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
