U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
