Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
the liver wants what the liver wants
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Please don't give away my fajitas
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
