Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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