How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
