I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
