He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
