are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
