Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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