You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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