I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
