so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
In other news, I just burned my penis
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
