You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
