dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My pussy is not your playground.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
