we have pet lesbian snakes
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
