i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He uses pillows to masturbate.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize