therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
