I wish my penis had an off switch
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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