I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Come on in and take your pants off
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