I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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