Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You ate ashes out of my bong
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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