Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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