if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
