I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
vagina is talking i cant
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He did a backflip because drugs
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
