Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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