Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
